Before The Actual Move 
The past two days have been filled with the heaviness of sadness yet there is a sense of a ray of a new joy that's shining. I am leaving my friends and family again. It's like my whole life was about California. I mean look, I even have a nick name of it for Pete's Sake. How could I deal with the idea of moving from California to Texas? I just had it in my head so strong and I knew if I didn't leave while I had answer YES in my head. I'd chicken out by the time it was time to move out. It was either now or never for me and I was craving that change in my life at the moment.

I finally moved back to San Diego last August and was able to get back in touch with most of my friends that I grew up with. Those times I have been able to spend with them since last August of 2001 has been cherished for me. I was able to catch up on old times and meet their new wife, boyfriend or girlfriends and even fiancé's. Time has changed since about two years since I lived away from San Diego. Catching up with them all gave me a special sense of time I spent away wasn't thoroughly lost but grasped with in those months again.

I honestly don’t think I’ll always be in Texas but the way my life has been the past few years, I feel like a leaf in the ocean. I have no tree to call my own now. A lot of friends have asked me over and over again if I am going to change my nick name to Texas Girl or TexGirl. Each time they ask this, I would have the tendency of getting pretty touchy about the subject. The roots of my life will always be in California. There's no need to change my nick name, especially since I wasn't born/raised in Texas to begin with.

So the last two days have been pretty sad for me. I just got back from my week trip in Texas last Sunday and I am already off to move from everyone I really care about. I originally planned to just leave California as soon as I knew I had the job but I needed to make sure I actually liked Mesquite and Dallas. The week I was out there I kept thinking to myself… for me not ever touching my feet in Texas till now, how can I feel a sense of belonging? This still puzzles me even right now.

Life is so full of surprises, these two past days I spent with an old friend that I knew since we were children in elementary school hasn’t really helped though. I sort of feel hurt about it. I have this wonderful man whom I never thought would be the way he is. This move brought us even closer than I had every anticipated. I am going to really miss him dearly.

Then my other friends weren’t too keen on the idea of me moving but they do know I am a roamer right now. I am really going to miss my two best friends that I have known since junior high school. The day before I flew out to Dallas for that week, April stayed up so late to put my hair in rag curls for my brother’s wedding the following morning. As much as I turned into a kinky afro, my other friend Dawnelle came to my rescue the morning of the wedding. She curled the top hair and put them in bobby pins, giving me that old-fashioned classy hair style. The only problem was the bottom of my hair was kinky. She didn’t have a curling iron to help that so I called April to see if she could bring one over since we were driving to my brother's wedding together. Dawnelle jumped on the phone and started saying what the problem was, giggling because we had gobs of tiny curls that made the back of my hair look really off with how elegant she did the top part of my hair.

I actually liked it because it reminded me of how many times I used to have really tight kinky curls that used when I used to get my hair permed. Only problem with this was that I couldn’t wash my hair because I had to jet out of there to get to my brother's wedding on time. April and I were helping out with the wedding by decorating the gazebo that morning. My hair had a wild look that was not fit for a wedding.

April came over with her curling iron and mellowed the curls down. Then Dawnelle kept having her creative thinking expression on, constantly making sure the top part of my hair was in place, just the way she liked it. As if a painter would do to a painting. While they were trying so hard to make my hair just right, I started getting a little choked up. These were my friends since growing up, and once again I am moving away to a place where I may have guy friends but who would be as patient as these two were to even care about Jody’s awful and abnormal hair days. I pushed that thought aside to not ruin my makeup. Plus, at the time I didn’t know if it was a for sure thing that I was going to be moving to Texas or not.

I really didn’t get to see all of my friends out in California before I moved out to Texas. That makes me a little sad too. I guess when I do visit California to see my family out there, I’ll look them up. Plus, nowadays it’s easy to exchange emails. That right there helped me realize that they may not be able to hug me or sock me in the arm but I can always keep in touch to tell them my latest happenings. I planned to keep them all in the loop of things in hope that they will respond with what’s going on in their life at the moment. I felt that it would be a great pacifier until I move back to California.

Wednesday - January 23rd
I actually had another time where I got choked up last night. It was when I went to see all of my friends at a get together. My friend Justin and his  beautiful daughter, Kyelie who is 3 years old was there. I grabbed her precious hand and looked at her dad, Justin as I told him, “ She’s not going to remember me.” 

The idea of that ached my heart... literally, I felt a pain of hurt in my chest. He blinked with almost a painful expression then said in a comforting tone, “Nah, she’ll always remember you.”  Her mom is in the service and has been gone for months now. She’s coming back in March. I don’t know why but I just feel like I love this little girl like I would a niece.

So the last two nights I have been staying out pretty late, but last night I stayed out REALLY late. I didn’t want to face the idea of moving. I talked to my friend most of the night. Then I got up only 3 hours later to call both of my brothers to tell them I wouldn't be able to see them before I leave. I saw them at the wedding a week before at least. Took a two hour nap and was getting the rest of my stuff packed in my truck for the long trip out to Texas. I really love the strategy of packing all of my important belongings in one little ford Ranger.

I went to the gas station to get my oil and tires checked as another problem started to unfold. The tires weren’t drivable for me to drive the hours I needed to get out to Texas. This frustrated me to no end. One tire had a nail in it that was leaking air. The gas station guy put water over it and it was bubbling, he told me that it wouldn’t even last my drive to Phoenix, Arizona.

The second tire had a tare on the side that I knew about since August of 2001. It was when I was driving to Irvine from the Ventura County area one night. There was a wood pallet that was in the second fast lane. I went over it unfortunately because I was driving right behind a white car who went to the next lane over so I had no way of knowing that it would be right in front of me until it was too late. I couldn’t really swirl over or I’d hit the car in the next lane over. The third tire was practically bald. I was wondering why two weeks ago that when it rained, my truck was sliding a lot more than normal when I took a turn.

So the guy at the gas station wouldn’t just take out the nail because they could get sued if I did end up in a car accident from the other tires. He also warned me saying, "Mam, just so you know, if you drive this to Texas, you WILL die." 

I called Tire Discount and asked for an estimate on how much four tires would cost to be replaced. It took about an hour. I ended up getting about 3 hours behind on schedule from this but at least I know I’ll have a nice and safe drive to Phoenix.

I left Rancho San Diego, California around 1pm PST. By 6:30 pm PST I arrived in Phoenix, Arizona. Little did I know that I was actually back tracking about 50 miles. It really didn’t matter though, I wanted to see my buddy Kasim (XP-LordInsane) on my drive to Texas.

Thursday - January 24th

By the next morning, I was off again at 10:00 am (Arizona time). I drove from then till 9pm that night, stayed in Odessa, Texas at an Inn. I asked the lady that worked at the Inn how many hours it would take to get to Dallas from there and she said about 6 more hours. I am glad I stopped.

About two hours before arriving in Odessa, there was this jeep that reminded me of one of those ones in that old Mad Max movie. Two young guys were driving in the vehicle. It seemed like each time I drove in the fast lane, they would get over in my lane so I couldn’t pass them. Finally once they did let me pass, they would speed up and go the same miles per hour for a while… almost as if they wanted to talk to me but their window was up... so I left that alone and just ignored them.

Finally since I would ignore them each time, they’d pass me up and stay right in front of me driving. I just stayed behind them. There was no need to be playing games, even if it did get my mind off the idea I was driving since 10am that morning. There was a border stop and I sped up passed them. They tried to get in the slow lane I was in since the left lane was being merged into the right lane but I passed them. I looked in the rear view mirror and noticed the guy in the passenger seat throwing his hands up in distraught. I thought hey, if you put your blinkers on, maybe... just MAYBE then I would have let you over.

I ended up talking to the border patrol guy for about 10 minutes. No, I wasn’t doing that on purpose since that dirty beat up jeep happened to be behind me. The guy happened to be cute and well he kept asking me a lot of trivial questions. I didn’t want to be blunt on answering them because then he’d probably make me open my truck’s bed lid to search it. Then again the questions he asked, they weren’t things you can just say yes or no to.

Friday - January 25th
Well, after a lot of sleep in Odessa, Texas at this Inn (something I haven’t had the past three days), I am off once again. I drove an hour and I am now here sitting at Denny’s to catch up on the latest while I eat this Grand Slam meal and drink some coffee with lots and lots of cream and sugar. There’s this biker guy over in the next booth that looks to be in his mid 30s checking me out right now. I think he wants to know what I am writing about in my little address/organizer book right now. I always write little notes in this organizer so I'll remember to put it in text to post here online.

I wonder if he thinks I am talking about him right now. Hehe.  I keep looking over at him wondering what he’s thinking about the idea of a girl my age being alone, eating breakfast and writing in this book. I mean, I am dressed pretty nice here in my leather jacket, black gloves and jeans with a nice light purple sweater. It’s really cold today but I do feel weird here right now. I am in a town called Big Springs, I feel really out of place right now. :) 

I cant say this enough but I really do love driving. It’s almost like I can’t get enough of it right now. I think reality hasn’t caught up with me yet. Hopefully it will with time. It really is odd when things like this move can be almost shock ridden for me. Its like it doesn't catch up with me when they are very important. I have a feeling I have blocked out all of my emotions to my brain waves or something. That may not sound right to some, but I bet most people would understand what I mean by that term.

On the drive out this morning I passed this giant peacock that was on this hillside, it was huge. I had to blink a few times, it looked to be as big as a two story house.  So I am off once again…

There are so many Dairy Queens signs on the freeway out here, it makes me want to vomit. Only about forty five minutes after I left the Denny’s in Big Springs, I believe the city was called Sard. I see this cute little house off the freeway. It reminded me of a dwarf house that you would see in a fairytale book. I took a picture because it was way too hard to describe.

Then it happens, only 3 hours later I have this craving for a frosty?!! I know this has to be the power of advertising on the signs on the freeway. I couldn’t find any other ice cream place but where?! Dairy Queen. I ordered this frosty that ended up not satisfying what I was really craving, this was a Georgia Mud Pie blizzard that was way too rich for me.

Something else that was disgusting was when I went to the gas station to clean my windshield. As I wiped it the smell of cow manure was super heavy. Blah!  I don’t know if it was from my windshield or from the water that was already in the bucket that the squeegee was in.

I finally arrived in Dallas Downtown and called a friend. Then I called my other buddies Marcus and Mike. So now I am out here thinking it’s still a dream. :/   

Saturday - January 26th

I went with my buddy Mike (EvilTwin) to the Galleria Mall today. It’s as nice as Stevie (Killcreek) had told me. Although after cruising around it, I think I need to get used to the way it is, so high class. It’s almost like a three story maze to me. I felt so comfortable, almost at home when I went to the East Town mall in Mesquite. It reminded me of the malls in California’s small towns.

On the drive back to Frisco, we passed by this field that had a crowd of people everywhere. I thought they were flying kites but they didn’t have strings. Then I noticed it was little remote control planes. I told Mike that this type of hobby would be so much fun to get into, especially if Dallas doesn’t have any nice paintball places to play at. I’d just have to buy myself a remote control plane and paint it with a leopard pattern. Mike started laughing at me because he has known for years about my obsession for leopards. When I work with him at Mplayer, Huckster, Marcus and him would chuckle when they’d stop by my cube. I had so many leopard pictures, stuffed animals, scarfs and pens in my working environment.

Tonight I tried these chocolate covered Espresso beans and I must say… I love mochas but that is just insane to be crunching on. These have to be one of the most disgusting things I have tried in a long time. My buddy Mike had them in his cupboard from last Christmas (they were never opened though). They were fresh enough but man, the grinds it in my mouth reminds me of when I was a child. My mom used to sometimes use her half empty Pepsi cans as ash trays when she couldn’t find one. Us kids would sometimes just lay our cans on the coffee table, go outside to play, come back in to take a few sips of our drinks and well… you get the idea… cigarette ashes aren’t fun at all to be gulping, especially when you aren’t expecting it.